epicness...

As stated, today is Monday. Hari yang paling ramai org x suka...termasuk aku. Walaupun aku dh tak kje. Best jugak bila berhenti kerja nih. Duduk rumah, jaga mak, main ngn kucing, jalan2 dengan kawan2...heaven.  Tp heaven ni x lama...time tu, terpaksalah pasrahkan diri n redha. It has been awhile since my last long post. Since that day, byk perkara berlaku yang aku sendiri pun mcm nak muntah kalo nak cerita. My sister nyaris cerailah, aku kne tikam lumat kat ofislah, kena oppressed ngn cuzin sndirilah, keta kena pecah ngn beg2 aku kena curi, tertinggal flight laa, mak sakit teruk, bil hospital smpi 10k, pastu jual keta lg ...haishh mcm2. But nevertheless, masih ade good memories jugak..here n there. The best so far bila aku berjaya resign dengan style nye...dan dpt offer lg better, hopefully lg better place and environment lah. Harap2, aku takkan kuar mulut crocodile masuk mulut T-Rex.

Last friday, aku let go hubby aku, Black Myvi, Putrajaya 7051 a.k.a TOSI. Mula2 ade org dtg, wat inspection, tgk2 keta sumer and offer aku good pricelah. Well, memikirkan aku dh tak mampu nak tanggung byr bulan2 plus buyer nk letak good price, aku pun agreelah. Konon2, aku fikir atleast dpt laa poket money sikit. Then, on friday tu dtg laa mamat 2 ekor ni nk amik keta, dh siap sign laa segala menda, aku pun terimalaa duit hasil penjualan keta tu tadi. Sblom tu aku dah borak2 laa ngan TOSI, aku wish dia selamat dapat tuan baru, yg boleh bela dia elok2, and sayang mcmana aku sayang, although aku kurang mampu dr segi kewangan untuk bikin dia lebih sket kasi nmpak hensem, tp...aku mmg sayang and sentiasa gantung harap pada dia. Aku rasa dia akan ok, and mungkin dia redha laa kena tukar tuan baru nnti.

Dah amik duit, aku pun masuk laa dlm cepat2, and stand behind the tinted sliding door. TOSI pun berlalu pergi. Lepas tu, mulut aku pun jadi squarelah...kenapa? Ape lagi...melalak laa tak hingattt duniaa!! Gilaa tuhh, 7 tahun tuhhh, lama giler setia bersama...duit dr hasil titik peluh sndiri nih, bulan2 byr sndiri..segala rosak ape bagai, siap saman ke tarik ke ape ke..sumer bayar sndiri. Waaaaa~ smpi sekarang pun aku masih tak get over it lg sbenarnya. Everytime teringat keta tu...mmg sebak je. Rindu.... rindu sgt.

Keta tu lah yang bawak aku kehulu kehilir, xde eksiden xde ape...kereta tu jugak laa aku rajin wat kje giler, teman aku smpi genting, smpi PD, JB, whenever however I want. Kereta tu jugak saksi aku jatuh bangun dlm berkawan, dalam bercinta...ok..super sedih dah!!

Kepada TOSI, meyi minta maaf kalau tak jaga dengan baik masa kita bersama...ade time meyi malas nk jaga TOSI and biar TOSI berabuk memanjang. Luka2, calar balar tu mmg kalau berduit, meyi nk ubatkan..sapu kan cat dan polish sampai hensem...tp meyi tak mampu lagi. Thanks TOSI for all your sacrifices during your years with me, I will cherish each and every memories we had together forever and always. Salam sayang, Meyi.

Kalaulah TOSI faham...

Anyway, aku dah mula menghitung hari nih...ade lagi 5 hari to go...to be with my mom and dad. Ntah bilaa lah dpt berjumpa lagi. Aku dah pun minta ampun maaf in advance especially to mummy. I'm scared I can't be there when or if she's in need. I told her, if I can't make it to see you before Allah SWT take you away, I want to apologize for not able to help you to say the Kalimah Syahadah for the last time and I am truly sorry and will be regret if I did not get to bathe you and help to kaffan you for the last time, it is my chance and ways to repay abit jasa and pengorbanan since my birth. I hope I will get the chance to bathe you like how you bathe me and to dressed you like how you dressed me neatly. And I hope I also get to do the Solat Jenazah for you. I am your only daughter mummy, and I want to be the one to do everything for you for the last time. I hope and pray, Allah SWT will grant my wish. Mummy told me dia xnak aku regret if anything should happen. She said I have to be strong as I always have been...and bersabar. I hope I will and I hope I can be a better human one day so that I can be reunited with my family in the after life, insya allah.

Dulu, aku x pernah nak terfikir sgt ttg nih. Especially tentang mati. Mana aku nak tuju, ape aku nak hadap. Aku sentiasa takut nk fikir tentang tu. Even sekarang pun masih laa jugak takut. Takut2 pun buat gak dosa2...susahlaa. Manusiakan, senang diinfluenced, senang lalai, byk songeh, byk persoalkan benda2 yang mengarut. Mak kata, kalau risau atau sedih atau ape skali pun, even gembira, zikirlah byk2, and sentiasa sedekah segala ape yg boleh sedekah...senyum, harta, ilmu...semua. Harap suatu hari nnti, hidup lebih bermakna....tp jgnlaa harap mcm kubur jd terang benderang laa..wangi2 laa..etc. Ehe...iye mak oii!

ahahahahhaahaa...camana plak bley terlintas adegan silly mak ngah aku nih!! demmit. we had a doa selamat on last saturday for me and all the arwahs. masa cuzin get together ni, mmg bley pecah rumah tu ngn gelak ketawa kitorang. yang paling epik, ade makcik sedara aku ni, mak ngah, tua tp comel. comel sbb action dia. mak ngan ni untung, married to a wealthy man, tp she's very down to earth. so, one day, she was at the toll area and forgot to bring her SmartTag, instead of going thru the Tunai lane, dia pegi masuk kat lane Touch n Go. My mom was with her. She ask my mom why the palang wont open, coz dia dah touch the touch n go box. My mom went hillarious. EPIC ever!!! Kak Ngah, tmpat tu kena touch dengan card lah, bukan dengan tangannn!!! hahahahaha...cutenesss overload. Bwk BMW nih...tp comel je...touch ngn tangan...hahahahahhah. Pecah perut laa mcm ni...i love all my aunties..sumer crazy funny, loving and sweet.

Meaning...bertambah2lah rindu nnti....

jangan pijak badak, pijak semut xpe...

sekarang baru aku sedar kenapa aku benci tahi dengan politik ni. some say politik ni ade pentingnya, bagi aku tak langsung…yeah true it can be good if politicising enactment or policies for good cause…tp kalo dh terbabas ke personal interest, it'll do more harm than good…

today, aku kena lagi…untuk kali ke berapa nth tersepit dipijak2 berserta ludahan kerana suka sangat bersifat mahmudah tanpa sebab. eh eh…ade sebab. kena hina sebab buat kerja terlebih…ok aku rasa sedikit short circuit sekarang. frasa hidup mana yang hebat sangat bila rajin tu jd satu kesalahan? bukanlaa aku nk kata aku ni rajin, kalo boleh mmg tak hingin nak keje pun, tp bila kena marah maki hamun sebab buat kerja lebih and tolong buat keje org…aku rasa cam bek duduk rumah je.

tapi surprisingly, instead aku rebel, this time aku diam…bukan pasal cong coolness, aku just go numb. pelik ngan pangai manusia skang, menda simple mcm ni pun nk jd big deal, asal boleh nk jadi kan marah tu mcm hobi atau trend terkini…x boleh ke duduk diam, buat kje sendiri, jaga tepi kain sndiri, jgn memekak2…

anyhow…life has to go on…the truth will reveal it self…sooner or later…:D

pekak otak…buta hati

hello, tu bukan life scope aku ye…nk porak perandakan life org is not my expertise nor my aims in life. some human can be so oblivion of what they say and do dan org macam aku yg mmg blur ttg socialism ni, yg jilat racun2nya tanpa sebab. gimme good reason for doing that? masalah aku sendiri pun xle nk settle, ni nak skydive ttg hal org lain…

sedarlaa wei, tu salah kau sendiri. beli laa cermin sebesar dinding, cermin diri baek2 sebelum tuduh2 orang x tentu pasal. aku rasa aku dh lama kot x amik port tentang kau, bukan kau je…sumer org kot. BFF aku pun dh lama aku tak contact, alih2 aku bley terjebak dalam masalah kau plak…pecer? rimas betul dengan org camni…

ade jugak human yang makan darah daging sendiri, karnivor…eh ye ke? hahahaha…lantak. aku le makanan tuh…mamah smpi ketulang, dr elok sihat…terus dapat insomnia. keje macam haram…siang malam kena fikir. nk jadi ape aku ni? ingat aku xde hal sendiri ke nak buat? xde family ke nak tatang, asik nk fikir tentang keje je…bosan, tau x bosan? waste my life and my time working for others but not for me. just try to step back and think…put yourself in my shoes for a sec…ermm..ok…you can't really fit into my size maybe…yeah, i think i have to understand that too…sucksss!

and againlah, me in reading and will read again, this is just another reminder…

Symptom papercut

'wei pe kbar?'
'sihat...ko pecite?'
'ok je...kt mn ni?'
Oo aku kt kl...mlm nnti nk gerak kg. ko bz ke?klo x jom lepak jap, lama x jumpa'
'siyes ko kt kl?!!, ok ok...ptg nti aku try kuar opis awl...jumpa tmpt biasa k?'
'ok...aku tunggu'

Memori ni baru shj aku kronyok dr saraf otak n slmat aku humban dlm longkang. Manusia semua sama! True friend does not exist...so remember girl, x perlu ikhlas sgt berkwn...x pyh syg lebih2...stakat salam niat je pun xpe...sbb bila diorg lupa kau girl, kau yg sakit makan hati...mcm papercut...nth bila kena...tau tau berdarahhh je...pedih? Jgn cakaplaaaa

Wordjab#1

its fun to live in a fantasy world…but the reality, although its not perfect…sometimes it can be good.

noktah yang tertindih

Sesudut tanah ini
Bini bini makanan anak
Makanan anak makan dek ayah
lihatlah oleh mu sang pari-pari…
seram yang harmoni

Liberal angkuh menjadi suci terkulat kulat
Tertakik iktibar dari penyuluh hala
masa kini jadi pendinding pada kebenaran
yang hanyut terus hanyut dan leka dan seronok
yang rajin terus rajin dan terus juga hanyut dan leka dan seronok

dan ayah makan anak, bini, adik beradik
abang dan kakak senyum kerana masa itu maha melindungi
memanglah yang hanyut masih hanyut...

lantaran itu wahai pari-pari…
kutiplah noktah2 tertindih itu…
tiada yang mirip dalam segala paksi
perbedaan itu tetap wujud dalam persamaan

screening the wishlist

Rubbish!! As I sat down and over viewing my claims. I was called by the big boss this morning. I'd be pleased if I got scolded regarding my work instead of my claim format. Somebody in the Financial department making a big 'Hoo Haa' on my claim format to the boss. Wadehel! I don't understand politics, seriously. Why in this whole world does politic matters much? Everybody now days is politically competent and politicizing as much as possible on almost everything. Politicizing the politics by politician? How crap can that be?

Nobody cares nobody now. Everyone is so uptight with their personals and neglecting the surroundings. Including me. I'm as guilty as everyone else.

And Gaddafi is dead~! and somehow it's a celebration for some people. I don't practice this. There is no way you can celebrate about any lost soul, demmit!

Deep inside me, I miss the old days. Hang around with friends after office hours, going for gigs and shows, travel or even just having good cute chats and scrolling interesting posts on Facebook, watching Korean Dramas, attending Piano lessons, gym and all. I'm pushing the limits now. I know I am so uptight with works, but I have to squeeze some of the time to do gym. I have to if not I will die.

Ooooh..good offer in Groupon 7D5N in Tokyo!!! How I wishhh....^__^

So many things happen since the last entry. I was offered scholarship to do masters and also, I have cyst in my organ. Very the cliche kan? I really hope I still have the time to full fill my dreams.

...and here it goes...

I wish I can understand my self and my life better. I wish I can learn more from mistakes to be better person. I wish I can love everyone in this whole world without any prejudice. I wish I can see more beautiful relation blooming everyday. I wish one day I have my own running company. I wish one day I can live and work abroad again. I wish one day I will be married to someone that love me for who I am. I wish I can make tonnes of art and paintings with my children. I wish I can help my parents to buy a better home. I wish I can stand and pray in front of Kaabah with mummy and daddy.  I wish...and I wish for so many more happy moments that I hope I can create.

I wish I have a healthy life to wish for more happy moments...